Castlevania:The Unknown History of the Belmonts
by Scissorman13
Summary: Ever wonder if the Castlevania history is as accurate as the games portray? Take a look at a mind boggling and hysterical chronicle of the Belmont family from Dracula's rise to power to the last Belmont to hold his whip to the prince of darkness. FINALLY UPDATED AFTER SO LONG! You're welcome..
1. Dracula's Ascension

Castlevania:The Unknown History

From the chronicled history of Trasylvania, as kept by the Master Librarian.

-Throughout history, the Belmont family has always risen every century to topple the evil of Count Vlad Tepes Dracula. Beginning in 1094 A.D. with Leon Belmont, a young nobleman whose wife was taken from him by his best friend, Mathias Cronqvist. Mathias was angry at God for taking his beloved, Elizabeth, from the world. Leon traversed an enourmous castle belonging to a vampire by the name of Walter to claim his wife, only to find Mathias was using the vampire to hide his true intentions. Mathias wanted Leon to kill Walter so he could obtain a powerful relic that would make him immortal. After battling Death himself, Leon called out to Mathias.-

Leon-You have become a cursed being and I will never forgive you. This whip and my kinsmen will destroy you someday. From this day on, the Belmont Clan will hunt the night!

-Mathias dissappeared into a foreign land only to return later under the name Count Vlad Tepes Dracula. Since then, every time he arose to wreak terror upon the land, a Belmont was always at the ready to destroy him.-

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-What some historians DIDN'T know was that after Leon, one of the most honorable and noble men in Tansylvanian history, the following Belmonts did not seem to live up to Leon's nature. Every one of the following kin just got wierder and wierder. The following chronicles the truth of the Belmonts after the great Leon throughout the centuries. Read with caution, for a lot of it may sound absurd from what you MIGHT have heard.-

The Belmonts:  
(In chronological order)

Leon Belmont-Nobleman

Sonia Belmont-Complete Ditz

Trevor Belmont-All around nice guy

Christopher Belmont-Total wuss

Simon Belmont-The Dude

Juste Belmont-The most depressing person you will ever meet

Richter Belmont-MORON

Julius Belmont-Crazy hermit

Authors note:  
Sonia Belmont and her story was originally intended to be the origin of the Belmont family. When Castlevania:Lament of Innocence was created, Leon was written as the originator of the Belmont clan of vampire hunters. The producer of the Castlevania series, Koji Igarashi, stated that Sonia Belmont's story was not a part of the official storyline. It is written into my story in humor and is not meant to be taken seriously. Now with that out of the way, enjoy!.

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Chapter One:  
Dracula's Acsension

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1450 A.D.

-It had been almost 400 years since Mathias' betrayal and rise to immortality. Transylvania had little vampire trouble since then, at least nothing a good cross, holy water, and steak to the heart couldn't clean up. What the people of the land were not ready for, was the motherload of all vampires that small annoyances such as those would not be able to harm in the least. It all began in a small village.-

-Dusk was falling on the small village. Young children were playing along the roads leading to the village. A man covered in a cloak approached the children, an aura of darkness surrounded him.-

Man-Excuse me, young ones?

-The children looked towards the man and instantly became frightened.-

Man-Tell me, what town lies a short way down this here road?

-The children could not speak for they were stricken with fear and ran back to the village. The cloaked man frowned and proceeded towards the village. It was a fairly small village, with people commuting in the streets, purchasing food from street vendors and bartering livestock. At the entrance to the village, the cloaked man stopped next to a older bearded man standing in a doorway to the inn.-

Man-Pardon me, but would you mind telling me what village this is?

-The bearded man took a quick glance at this stranger. He raised an eyebrow and took a puff of his pipe.-

BeardedMan-Small Village.

Man-I gathered that, but what is the name of this village?

BeardedMan-I just told you, lad. Small Village.

Man-...you can't be serious.

BeardedMan-I am serious. We've been trying to think of a better name. If you'd like to help, you can participate in the village vote for a new name.-

-The cloaked man looked towards the center of the village to see a large kiosk with a banner over it reading "Small Village needs new name! Vote for a name today!". The man tilted his head, perplexed.-

BeardedMan-What might your name be, stranger?

-The cloaked man turned back to the bearded man. He throws off the hood of his cloak, revealing long, black hair dark as the night.-

Man-My name...is Mathias.

BeardedMan-Hmmmmm, nice to meet you.

Mathias-DOES IT NOT STRIKE FEAR IN YOUR HEART, MORTAL?!?!?!

BeardedMan-Not really. Mathias is a nice name.

Mathias-Hmmmmmm...

-Mathias scratches his head and looks around.-

Mathias-Did I say Mathias? I meant...uhhhhh...

-Mathias mumbles a bit more. The Bearded Man raises and eyebrow and tilts his head in question at Mathias.-

Mathias-Uhhhhmmm...hahaha...give me just ONE minute...

-Mathias turns around and begins talking to himself.-

Mathias-Okay think, Mathias, think. What name just screams out "FEAR ME"? You'd THINK 400 years in seclusion would help me think of a better name...

-Mathias starts to quickly look around for some sort of inspiration.-

Mathias-Oh man...I didn't think it would be this hard...

-As Mathias thinks, he notices two women pass in front of him.-

Woman1-So what did you do today?

Woman2-I had to visit the town doctor today.

Woman1-Ack! Is everything alright?

Woman2-Yes, it was just a little scare I had this morning. But ooh-la-la he was a cute one!

Mathias-...

-Mathias strokes his chin and and quietly mumbles to himself.-

Mathias-Doctor...Ack...Ooh-la...Doc...Ack...Ooh...

BeardedMan-Somethin wrong?

Mathias-Uhhhhhhh NO! HAHAHA! I have my name for you!

-Mathias strikes a pose and points to the sky.-

Mathias-DOCTOR ACULA!!

-Mathias continues his pose. The Bearded Man just stares, confused.-

BeardedMan-That's a strange one...

Mathias-Errrrr...I mean uhhhmmmmm...

-Mathias scratches his head. After a bit he strikes another pose.-

Mathias-DOCULA!!!!

BeardedMan-Is there something wrong with your head?

Mathias-Ehhhhhhhhh...uhhhhh...no, certainly NOT! My name is...

-Mathias paces a bit, starting to worry. He finally strikes one more pose.-

Mathias-DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

-Almost the entire town went quiet and look in Mathias' direction. The Bearded Man's eyes shot wide open. Mathias looked around, perplexed.-

Mathias-Did...that strike fear?

BeardedMan-Well...I felt something...might have been fear.

Mathias-...good enough for me!

-Mathias, errr.., DRACULA struck a few more poses. The townspeople stood back, chills creeping up their spines.-

Dracula-NOW, whooooooooo is the leader of this SMALL VILLAGE?!

-From the crowd, a tall, dark haired, respectable looking man emerged.-

Mayor-I am the Mayor of Small Village. What can I do for you?

-Dracula thrusts his right arm towards the Mayor. His hand plunges into the Mayor's chest. A spray of blood rockets from the wound as Dracula pulls the man's heart straight from his chest.-

Mayor-Oh, I see...

-The Mayor's body hits the ground, a puddle of blood surrounding his corpse. Dracula cackles as he holds the pulsing heart.-

Dracula-Hahahahaha!! I AM YOUR LEADER NOW!!!

-The villagers scream and start running frantically in all directions.-

Dracula-No! No, don't run! I was expecting more kneeling and worship! STOP RUNNING!!

-When Dracula notices the riot will not stop, he growls and raises his arms in the air. Pillars of fire rise from the ground, preventing the villagers from escaping.-

Dracula-Eh? Wow...didn't know I could do THAT!

-The villagers run back in Dracula's direction and fall to their knees.-

Villager-Please do not hurt us! We will do whatever you ask!

Dracula-YESSSS! That's more like it! First...GET ME A WASTE BASKET!!

-A villager quickly gets up and brings a basket to Dracula. He drops the heart in the basket and shoo's the village away.-

Dracula-From this moment on, I am your lord and master! Soon the entire land will come to know me and fear my name!

-Dracula wipes his bloody hand off on a villager as he continues his monologue.-

Dracula-You will build me a grand castle for me and my demonic army to sleep during the day, and rule during the night.

-Dracula finishes cleaning his hand off on a villager and pushes him away. Dracula turns and points to the Bearded Man.-

Dracula-YOU! What is your name?

BeardedMan-Uhhhhhh...my name...is Bram...Bram Stoker, my lord.

Dracula-You shall chronicle this glorious day and the years to come. So that all generations will know the name of Count Dracula!

Bram-Ye...yes, my lord. Uhhmmmmmm, my lord?

Dracula-Eh? What do you want?

Bram-Is your name JUST Dracula?

Dracula-Well...uhhhmmmmmm...well my hero is Vlad the Impaler...so my name will be Count Vlad Tepes Dracula!

Bram-Tepes?

Dracula-I think that was a sneeze, but it sounds cool. Leave that in.

Bram-Very well, lord Dracula.

Dracula-As for the "new name" for this small village, from this point on this small village will be know as...

-Dracula raises his arms into the air and he begins to levitate. The villagers fall to their knees and bow to him and he floats higher and higher.-

Dracula-CASTLEVANIA!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Uhhhh...he...hey! This is gettin' a little too high!

-Dracula continues to float into the air.-

Dracula-Errr...a little help!

--END OF CHAPTER ONE-- 


	2. The Birth of Demon Castle

Castlevania:The Unknown History of the Belmonts 

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Chapter 2:  
The Birth of Demon Castle

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-The people of Small Village, now known as Castlevania, were strenuously at work building the castle for their new lord, Count Vlad Tepes Dracula. Dracula sat in front of the construction on a very shoddy and makeshift throne with a look of frustration across his face.-

Dracula-Errrrgghhhhh...

-Dracula jumped up from his crappy throne and began to bark out at his followers.-

Dracula-COME ON! Should it REALLY be taking you THIS long to complete a CASTLE?! I've been gone for almost 400 years, people! Since when have humans been so LAZY and SLOW?!

-The workers begin to sweat as Dracula begins to pace back and forth amongst them.-

Dracula-All I ask is one simple task, and you SKINBAGS can't even get it done with even the most miniscule amount of effort!

-Dracula grabs one of the workers by his collar and lifts him off of his feet.-

Dracula-YOU! What is your name?

Worker-My n...n...name is----

-Dracula flings the worker straight up into the air. His screams diminish in volume as he keeps rising.-

Dracula-YOUR NAME MEANS NOTHING TO ME!! Your only good to me if you get the job done! AND EVEN THEN YOU MEAN NOTHING TO ME!!

-Dracula leans forward and stares another worker in the eyes.-

Dracula-Are YOU a hard worker?!

Worker2-Y...y...yes ma----

-Dracula swings the back of his hand across the workers face. His head flies off of his neck and bounces across the ground into the distance.-

Dracula-YOU CAN'T WORK HARD ENOUGH!!!

-Dracula stomps his way over to another worker and stands behind him.-

Dracula-WHO ARE YOU?!

Worker3-Uhh...ummm...eehh...S...S...Steve..

-The worker cringes in fear but nothing happens. He opens his eyes back up and looks over to Dracula.-

Dracula-Good work, Steve. Keep it up.

-Dracula passes Steve and heads to a fourth worker. He places his hand on the workers' shoulder.-

Worker4-AH! I...I work hard only for my lord Dracula! My hands bleed for you, my lord!

Dracula-Your witless banter disgusts me! Now I don't even like Steve anymore!

-Dracula snaps his fingers and Steve catches fire. Steve screams and runs around frantically.-

Dracula-Now you must live knowing that YOU KILLED STEVE! Now GET TO WORK!

-The worker panics and starts back to work. Dracula grumbles to himself and stomps his way to the center of the worksite.-

Dracula-You call yourself MINIONS?! Minions are supposed to be LOYAL without QUESTION!! YOU! Stop crying! YOU! Stop falling over! YOU!!! STOP BLEEDING!!!

-Dracula tugs at his hair and grits his teeth.-

Dracula-AHHHHHHH!!! That's it! You all SUCK!

-Dracula begins to flair his arms back and forth and the workers begin to die one after the other. Some catching fire, some choking, some even exploding into a geyser of blood. After a few moments, all of the workers were lying dead on the ground, with Dracula standing amongst the corpses panting in anger.-

Dracula-May this be a lesson to all of you who wish to continue defying your lord and ma-------

-Dracula stops and looks around, seeing that all of his workers are dead.-

Dracula-...awwwwwwwww...crap...

-Dracula bites his lower lip and walks down to the bodies of the villagers.-

Dracula-Errrrr...sorry! You can...hehe...stop being dead now! So...get up! Stop being dead! No hard feelings? Hehehe...hehe...hehuuuuuuuuhhhh...

-Dracula's arms fall to his sides as he slumps over.-

Dracula-Well this is depressing. How can I build an demonic castle with no minions?!

????-Need some help?

-Dracula turns around to see a cloaked figure floating menacingly in the air. A skull is visible through the hood of the cloak, a pale grimace is only a prelude to the evil red aura emitted from the endless darkness of his eye sockets. This figure was only the most vile minion of pure evil. The Grim Reaper himself, also known as Death.-

Death-I am glad to see you have returned my master.

Dracula-Death, my loyal servant, advisor, bodyguard, and hairdresser. What took you so long?

Death-Forgive me, my lord. I was only preparing your demonic servants of the underworld for your inevitable return.

Dracula-Splendid! There is just one problem...

Death-What is that?

Dracula-I HAVE NO ONE TO FINISH MY CASTLE?!

Death-Nothing to worry about, maste----

Dracula-I CAN'T be an EVIL LORD with an EVIL CASTLE!! That way my EVIL can be spread EVILY across the land creating more EVIL!! CAN YOU NOT SEE THE GREATER EVIL PLAN THAT I HAVE?!?!

Death-Please, master, let me finish. You can still complete your castle.

Dracula-My EVIL castle?

Death-Yes.

Dracula-How is that?

Death-Being as you are the master of the night, you can command your own minions. Those that will not tire or complain. They will work until your empire grows to fruition. Just say the word, my master...

Dracula-Hmmmm...Death...tell me something.

-Dracula walks over to Death and puts an arm over his shoulders.-

Death-Yes?

Dracula-WHY DIDN'T I KNOW THIS BEFORE?!

Death-Errr...forgive me, master...I was unaware that you did not realize your strengths.

Dracula-Well I'm just a LITTLE new to this! Anyways, I wish to be granted my minions...

Death-It shall be done.

-Death raises his arms and the sky blackens. Thunder roars and lighting streaks across the clouds, and from a swirling vortex in the clouds, Death's scythe spirals downward. Death catches his weapon and cleaves the ground. The ground opens up with a roar and a red haze fills the air. Hundreds of screaming souls flow from the evil crevasse and slither along the ground, covering the corpses of the dead villagers. The skeletons of the bodies pull themselves out of the flesh and howl into the air. They pick up the workers' tools and begin to work vigorously on the castle.-

Death-What do you think, master?

Dracula-Fantastic...the vortex and evil stuff was a nice touch as well.

Death-They will be done in no time at all, my liege.

-Several months go by and Dracula's castle is finally complete. Dracula and Death walk the halls of his new domain, Lord Dracula surveying all that he sees.-

Dracula-Very impressive.

Death-Thank you, sire.

Dracula-I have one question.

Death-What is that?

Dracula-This castle and the paths leading to it are a little...bizarre.

Death-I'm afraid I don't follow.

Dracula-Well look, we've got a burning village leading into a forest maze, leading into a cave, leading to an underwater city, leading to an endless bridge, leading to a graveyard, and THEN you get to the castle!

Death-Yes, my master, I thought----

Dracula-Then when you GET to the castle, you have an entrance hallway, leading into an outer wall, leading into a library, leading into a catacombs, leading into HELL, then going into a long staircase, leading into a clock tower, finally ending up in the castle keep where you have to answer a series of questions and find a crank and some jewels to open the door to get to MY throne room!!

Death-I apologize, master, but----

Dracula-I DON'T want it to take 12 hours to get to bed if I have to go to the kitchen, and there is nothing LEADING to the kitchen!

Death-I did that in case anyone where to try and disturb you master, so that your minions may take care of the dirty work for you.

Dracula-I understand...BUT ONE SINGLE PATHWAY LINKS THE ENTIRE CASTLE TOGETHER?!? IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!

Death-I see, master. Why don't you stay in your throne room and we shall bring everything you desire to you.

Dracula-What do you mean STAY?! I can't leave my throne room EVER?!

Death-Uuuugggghhhhhh...just follow me master and I will explain further...

-Dracula follow Death further into the hallways of his castle and they dissappear into it's darkness.-

-Outside the village which was now destroyed, the remaining villagers watch as their precious village burns to the ground.-

Villager-What will we do?! We have lost our homes, and anyone who does not join Count Dracula is struck down and massacred!

Villager2-We need someone to help us. There has to be someone in this land with the will and strength to defeat this evil.

Villager3-But where will we look? This land is vast, and we might not have long before Dracula's evil spreads across all of Transylvania!

Villager2-We have no choice! The fate of this land and the entire world depends on one human being!

Villager-Why one?

Villager2-Cause that's the way it ALWAYS happens! Now let us go.

-The villagers take one last look at their village and then disperse. Their heads low, but their hopes high as they begin to search for their hero. And somewhere in Transylvania, that hero is waiting for their call to duty. Waiting for their chance to make their name famous across the world.-

-And she just tripped over her own feet...-


	3. Medievally Blonde

Castlevania:The Unknown History of the Belmonts

Chapter 3 Medievally Blonde

Bartender-Sonia! That is the fifth flagon of mead you have dropped this week!

-The chef stood over a young blonde woman who was laying face-down on the taverns' wooden floor. A broken flagon lay next to her with mead pouring through the cracks.-

Bartender-I swear, I have no idea how you are a descendant of the noble Belmont family. Someone poison that bloodline?

-The young woman clumsily pulled herself off the floor, mead dripping from her hair to her boots. She flung her hair back which caused her massive, braided ponytail to swing around her, barely missing nearby patrons and hitting the bartender in the face.-

Bartender-Gah! Watch it, you moron!

-The woman turned to the bartender. Her face trembled as she tried to look stern, but her eyes were welling up with tears.-

Sonia-Did you ever stop to think that maybe your floors are rotten and cracked? I could be tripping because of a workplace hazard!

Bartender-Sonia, in the decades this tavern has been open, only five instances of tripping have occurred...

Sonia-See! I'm, like, not the only one th-

-The bartender stared menacingly at Sonia.-

Sonia-Oh, I see. That was a crack at me, wasn't it?

Bartender-Sonia, you're beautiful, friendly, and come from a well respected family, but as a barmaid you don't have it.

Sonia-You, like, HAVE to give me another chance! I NEED this job to support my family!

-The bartender raises an eyebrow.-

Sonia-Okay, not my family, my education!

-The bartender retains his look.-

Sonia-Fine! To support orphans!

-The bartender does not stagger.-

Sonia-...these boots aren't cheap you know!

Bartender-Go home, Sonia.

Sonia-Okay, okay! I've been cut off from my family! They say I'm, like, old enough to make something of myself and they won't give me anything until I prove otherwise. Please, sir! I really need this!

-The bartender lowers his head and sighs.-

Bartender-One more spilled drink and you're out. Understand?

Sonia-Yes sir! You can, like, count on me!

Bartender-Go wash up and get back to serving.

Sonia-I won't let you down, captain! You can count on Sonia Bel-

-As Sonia turned to head out, her ponytail gets caught in the swinging bar door, forcing her yet again to the ground. The bartender groans and returns to his duties. Sonia picks herself up and heads outside to a well.-

Sonia-Why am I stuck in some hole-in-the-ground chug hut? I thought I came from a long line of noble men and woman! Beautiful, respected people who wear flashy clothing and eat tiny sandwiches! That's the life I deserve! Not this!

-Sonia tugs hard on the rope inside the well. The bucket flies upward and into her face, covering her entire body in very cold water. She stands for a minute, her lips trembling, then falls to her knees as tears roll down her cheek.-

Sonia-Like, who am I kidding? Nothing will ever change. My family kicked me out, I'll be forever working in gross taverns with bearded wierdos undressing me with their working eye.

-Sonia looks up and see's an ominous castle in the distance, sitting atop a cliff with black clouds hanging above.-

Sonia-I bet whoever lives there, like, doesn't have to worry about anything. Such a priveleged life they must lead...

-Sonia lowered her head and sighed deeply. A crack of thunder roared across the skies and rain began to pour on her. She couldn't help but cry.-

-Meanwhile, in the 'priveleged' lords' castle.-

Dracula-SERIOUSLY?! Why do I have to hang out in the keep all day?!

Death-Because my lord, it is the safest place within the castle if someone were to make an attempt on your life!

Dracula-Oh yeah, some kind of super man who can survive the infested graveyards, forests, halls, catacombs, lost cities, redneck backwoods, lava pits, clock towers, and endless staircases would be in PERFECT condition to do me in.

Death-Well, my lord...

Dracula-And you call this SAFE?! This thing hangs over a RIVER for christs' sake! And it's only supported by a thin staircase and...are those RUBBER BANDS?!

Death-The hardware store was out of most of the materials we needed...

Dracula-Oh, fantastic! I command the armies of the damned with the all the resources of the dark gods and we still have to shop at Home Depot?!

-Dracula storms off into the bathroom and slams the door behind him. The minions waiting outside hear a few metallic noises.-

Dracula-And the toilet STILL doesn't work! It smells REALLY BAD in here!

Death-Well, sire, you did turn the plumber inside out when he wouldn't negotiate rates...

Dracula-What am I supposed to do?! GO OUT THE WINDOW?! At least it would land in water I guess...

-Dracula scratches his chin.-

Dracula-Well? GET OUT! Gotta do my business then!

-Dracula walks over to the open window, turns around, jumps up on the frame, and begins to pull his pants down. Death and the other minions stare in bewilderment.-

Dracula-Waiting for a free show?! OUT! NOW!

Death-Uhhhh, my lord. There is also the matter of the small village on the outskirts of the cursed woods.

Dracula-Hey, just because we give something a fancy name doesn't mean it's 'cursed'. OoooooooOOOOOohhhhh! The cuuuuuuursed WOOOOOOOOOODS!

-Dracula wiggles his fingers and makes spooky noises.-

Death-Regardless, it threatens our expansion. What shall we do?

Dracula-Do whatever, I gotta smash one out...

-Death cringes and makes his way hastily out of the room and meets the other minions outside.-

Death-His evilness says to smash the village! Go!

-The demonic minions howl and make their way down the steps of the keep. Death cackles to himself but is interupted by Dracula yelling to him.-

Dracula-Hey! Can you get the mummy in here?!

Death-Why would you need the mum- oh god...

-Death shudders and gags a bit. The armies of Dracula begin to march through the forest towards the small village, where a still despondent Sonia sits outside the tavern in the pouring rain.-

Sonia-Stupid village. Stupid tavern. Wish it would all burn to the ground..

-Just at that moment, she looks up to see an entire army of undead soldiers, sword-wielding skeletons, mermen, vicious werewolves, giant stone golems, shotgun-toting hillbillies, and undescribable demonic creatures.-

Sonia-Like, are you guys having a party?

-The creatures look back and forth at eachother in confusion.-

Skeleton-Uhhhh, yeah. In... the... uhhhhh... village!

Merman-Totally! Can you tell us where it is?

Golem-SO WE CAN BURN IT TO DA GWOUND!

Skeleton-Hush! Hahaha! He's a kidder! He means, so we can host a bitchin' party to celebrate... something!

Golem-CEWEBWATE BURNING!

-The monsters all shush the golem. Sonia scratches her head.-

Sonia-That's cool I guess. Village is over there.

Skeleton-CHAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGE!

-The monsters rush into the direction of the village. Sonia still sits on the ground, confused. The Golem stops his charge and stomps back over to Sonia and looms over her menacingly.-

Golem-THANK YOU! HAVE A NICE DAY!

-The Golem pats Sonia on the head.-

Golem-BUUUUUUUUURRRRRNNNIIIIIIIIII NNNNNGGGGG!

-The Golem runs in the direction of the village. Sonia stands up and crosses her arms.-

Sonia-Wow, a party. Bet I wasn't invited. I hate life...

-Sonia begins to walk away as the village begins to go up in flames behind her. She arrives at her families' estate eventually, still soaking wet. Her father flings the door open as she arrives.-

Father-SONIA! My dear, thank GOD you are alright!

-Sonias' dad throws his arm around his drenched child. Her mother appears behind him, her eyes filled with tears.-

Mother-Oh, thank heavens you are still alive! We were so worried!

Sonia-Well I tripped again at the tavern, but it wasn't, like, life threatening or anything.

Father-You mean to tell me you haven't heard? The village was destroyed! There is still some kind of rock creature dancing in the fire as we speak! How much of a dullard are you?

Sonia-Wow, that party must have gotten way out of hand! Bet those costumed guys are real disappointed. Hope they're okay!

Father-Do me a favor, sweetie. Never reproduce.

Mother-The most important thing now, Sonia, is that your destiny has finally arrived!

Sonia-Pardon?

Father-Over four hundred years ago, your ancestor, Leon Belmont, swore an oath to defeat the minions of the night if their dark lord were to ever rise again. Our family has been preparing all these centuries for this moment...

Sonia-Awesome! So you're going to like, go fight demons and stuff?!

-The father and mother look at each other and laugh.-

Father-Ahahahaha, oh precious! If I were to go, who would count all our money and eat all the tiny sandwiches?

Mother-And if I were to go, who would blow our family fortune on clothing and make the tiny sandwiches?

Father-Sorry, darling, but you're going to be the one going on this little adventure. So go suit up and save us poor, defenseless rich people!

Sonia-Shouldn't I have had some kind of training for this?

Mother-Oh it should be simple, my dear! I'm sure you'lll pick it right up!

Father-The butler has already put some ratty old chest in the hallway filled with Leon's old things. But please open it outside. Don't want dust all over the marble!

-Sonia frowns and storms into the hallway where the old chest is while her mother and father laugh and eat tiny sandwiches.-

Sonia-Sooooooo everything I need is in here? Wonder what Leon left me...

-Sonia pulls on the chest lid as hard as she can, but to no avail. She tried for over and hour but it was no use. She then realized it was locked with a giant, very visible keylock. After stomping on the lock and hitting it with various objects, the butler just gives her the key. FINALLY, after the chest is unlocked, inside are some clothes, daggers, a throwing axe, a cross, holy water, a whip, and a set of instructions.-

Dearest Descendant,

There is no telling what will be waiting for you in these hours to come. The Prince of Darkness has many minions, and his domain is a labyrinth of terror. You must keep your wits about you and trust in the power of our Lord to guide you. I have left these blessed objects behind to aid you in defeating the minions of hell. The whip has been blessed with the power to slay the vampire lord himself, and will repel any and all of his evil minions. Make sure the name Belmont spreads fear amongst the night. Good luck, and may God be with you.

Sincerely,  
Leon Belmont

Sonia-Wow...I didn't understand ANY of that!

-Sonia reaches into the chest and removes the clothing inside. Beautiful and intricate garments fit for a nobleman are folded neatly in her hands. Before she can admire them, she notices another small bundle underneath the clothes with a note attached.-

IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE A WOMAN...

-After a few moments, Sonia steps outside into the cold night. Barely wearing any armor whatsoever, and a tight, sleevless, green leather tunic which leaves very little to the imagination. She throws a coat over the nothing she is wearing and groans.-

Sonia-This is pathetic! How am I supposed to fight evil in THIS?! My legs, like, aren't even covered! Did Leon even bother to think how cold it get's in a vampire's castle?! Oh well, at least my boots finally match something...

-Sonia looks into the distance at the castle she gazed at earlier. She takes a deep breath, stands firmly, and takes her first step towards her big adventure.-

-Then falls right into a puddle...-

-TO BE CONTINUED- 


End file.
